It’s that time of year when our reptile and amphibian friends come out of their slumbers and risk their lives to get warm in the sun.

Thursday on my lunch time ride at Phipps I almost ran over the biggest eastern diamondback rattler I’ve ever seen. I had been out there a while putting in some hard efforts. I was pushing hard up the gravel climb, at times lowering my head. I was near the top where it flattens a bit before one last little pitch to the main entry road. It was on that flat stretch that I looked up and saw a gigantic snake stretched across the white powdery road. I grabbed both brake levers at the last second and did a two wheel slide towards the snake. I am thinking, OOOOHHH SNAAAAAP!!!!

I came to a stop about 3 feet from from it, planted my left foot and performed a bike mounted 180 boneless and went the other way spouting out all sorts of four letter words. The only reaction from the snake is that he froze. It becomes apparent this snake was cold and lethargic. He just wants to find a sunny spot to warm up. I toss a couple of pebbles at him and he seems to realize he’s in a bad spot because he turned and went back the way he came.

I cursed myself for looking at the camera on my way out the door and thinking, “nah, I haven’t seen anything cool out there in a long time”. This snake was big. I know the propensity for exaggeration when it comes to snake stories so instead of calling him a 4 footer I’ll call him a 3.5 footer. The thing that really blew me away though was his girth! That sucker was thick!

Of course the rest of my ride every curvy stick was freaking me out.

The good news is they are secretive snakes and avoid human contact… unless of course it’s springtime and they want to warm up. The odds of coming across an eastern diamondback are very slim.

This is the miracle coochie drug from Japan. Click for big one.

I was browsing these photos from the Sea Otter Pro Short Track and found this funny picture of Florida boy Ryan Woodall in disguise.

I don’t know Ryan personally but he must be a funny guy.

I found some on Flickr here.

I especially like this one of Absalon getting “hands on” with a lapper.

I was told not to eat or drink after midnight and be at the hospital at 8am. They had me in a gown, laying on a bed, hooked to an IV by 9am. Then I waited. Hungry. My mom, dad and wife hung out with me on and off.

They finally wheeled me back to the “electrophysiology lab” at 1:15 and knocked out by 1:30… I think. The next thing I remember is my wife standing over my bed saying, “I’m going home ok”. That was around 8:30pm. Then I passed out again.

I woke again around 10pm. My hips hurt. I could finally open my eyes. The nurse brought me some of the best food I’ve ever had. I had to lay flat with my head propped up. So I put the plate on my chest and shoveled it in. I could have eaten 3 more plates. Then I passed out again.

I woke up around 11pm. My hips hurt. I wanted to move around… get up. The nurse said no, you cannot get up until 1am. So I layed there and watched the clock tick to 1. I rang the Nurse and said I wanted to get up. He said, “The doctor said you can’t move until 7″. I said some things… he came in laughing. He was only joking. I tried to laugh.

Before I could walk around he had to remove the catheter from my PENIS. It seemed like there was 3 feet of tubing stuck in my PENIS. He puuuullllllllllllled. I dribbled.

I made him walk the halls with me… I guess I’m not allowed to walk alone. I paced my room. At 2am I passed out again.

The rest is more boring than that. I came home at 10am Thursday. Wife and I went to Red Elephant and I ate alot of pizza.

Some funny things I said post op (between 6:30pm and 8:30pm) that I don’t remember.

“I want to talk to that anesthesiologist… she KNOCKED ME OUT!”

“The staff was so great!”

ME: AHHHH MY HIPS! SH1T! [INSERT OTHER 4-LETTER WORDS]!!!
WIFE: I’m glad I didn’t bring the kids.
ME: GOODNESS GRACIOUS!!!! MY HIPS HURT!!!!

NURSE: Do you know where you are buddy?
ME: I’m riding some sweet singletrack!
NURSE: I’m riding with ya buddy.

10 minutes later.
NURSE: Do you know where you are buddy?
ME: I’m on Fred’s wheel! (I don’t know who fred is but my wife swears I said fred)

My wife figured out I was on truth serum and:
WIFE: Are there any other women honey?
ME: Ah you know I don’t have time for that!

A lot of other stuff. I really regret that we didn’t bring a video camera. She said the nurse was just hanging out in my room enjoying the entertainment.

My problem ended up being AV Nodal Reentry Tachycardia. Rarely deadly, but the Doc said a 240 heartrate is nothing to take lightly.

She says 1 week easy, then I can ride hard again.

I finally found the gonads to give myself a proper euro-mullet.

If I just learn these dance moves my euro transformation will be complete.

Honestly though, I’m not sure I can stick with it. It’s pretty bad. I don’t see how anyone could ever take me seriously with this mullet. I mean… even I want to be taken seriously sometimes.

I was going into Overstreet at the High Grove trailhead and to my left I see one of those cheap styrofoam coolers and a 24 pack box of Coors Light. Both were empty but further down the trail I found the booty.

On the way back home I stuck one in my jersey pocket. Then I decided to go back with a backpack and collect my pirate treasure. Arrrrrgh! 15 Coors Light and a bottle of Captain Morgans was the haul.

The Boy and I were just over there at 8:30 last night so I know it’s no more than a night old. Tastes ok so, DOWN THE
HATCH MATEY!

The Captain Morgans is almost full. I don’t drink rum so if anyone wants it… holla! Otherwise I’ll see if the interns at work want it.

The Boy is on a pirate kick lately… that explains the pirate theme of this post.